Life doesn't play by rules

This is hundred percent true. Life definitely doesn't play by rules. If I look back at my life I find so many disappointments rather than happy moments. Why? What went wrong? I don't know. I guess this is life. I mean people give so many definitions to life like this saying that life is mixture of happiness and sadness. That's fine with me. I guess always expected life to be run by rules.

For example my philosophy works like this. If I do good, I should get good. But in reality it doesn't work like that. Then people say that it is all our karma. I still always feel something is missing in this logic. In Hindu religion we believe that it is all karma we have to go through because of our last life. That means our future is already decided. There is no way that you can change that. So it really doesn't matter to think that I should get good just because I do good. In a way it makes sense even though I don't like it.

Some times we don't do any mistakes, but ends up getting punished. Let me give one simple example. There have been number of road accidents taking place all over the world everyday. In every accident most of the times two parties are involved. And most of the times only one party does the mistake. That means the other party has been punished even though he hasn't done any mistake. Here you might get doubt why I am using punishment. I mean everyone uses the word punishment as a treatment for bad things. Not really. I mean at one point of time in our life as kids every one of us might have gotten punishment from our teacher for doing silly and stupid things. But here in life I don't know who the teacher is. Some one says, I think most of the people, it is God. But teachers never give us beating if we don't do any bad things. But here in life, if God is the teacher of school called life, God always gives punishment even if we don't do any mistakes. That definitely sucks. I mean its kind of partial. Because we see in our everyday lives lot of bad people having an easy life. But who am I to say that they are bad people? I mean there is no reference to say this is bad and this is good. I guess it all depends on individuals perspective.

Everywhere Society decides rules. If 10 people does some thing and you try to do opposite thing to that, you are bad for them. I guess society works on that rule. For example here in America, you go with 10 different girls at different times. But if you are honest to them every time saying that I don't find our relationship interesting, so I want to be single. Then you go single. After a while you go with some other girl. But that is not a bad thing here, because you are honest every time. But the same thing is bad in India even if you try to be honest. Because in that society what ever it is, it is definitely wrong to go with lot of girls in the first place. So it all depends on society.

Coming back to karma, some time back I wrote, if there is some one called God and he has the right to play our lives, then he is giving us punishment based on our last life, even though you haven't done any mistake in this life. So this logic works as long as you believe in this theory of last life. What if you don't believe. I mean I don't remember my previous life. So why should I get punished in this life? So even if I believe in God, I definitely believe that it is not fair on part of God to give me punishment for my previous life.

Then the ultimate doubt comes to my mind. Is there God? I guess again answer depends on so many things. If we think in pure scientific way the answer is no. If you go by spiritual way, then answer is yes. But in the end again people are ignorant. I mean different people believe in different Gods. But the problem is there can't be different Gods depending on places like America and India. There has to be one. Thats it. But still people start cursing other religions and try to put them down all the time with some disgusting methods. For example Muslims tried to rub their religion on others with force and aggression causing fear in people minds. They are still doing the same things. Christians did the same thing till 1700. Then they changed their methods and started doing the same thing in a cunning way through missionaries.

Why all this bullshit? Did any one see the God? Definitely not? Some people say that they have seen the God in their dreams. Thats all has to do with your thinking and depends on other things you have talked and done before you went to the bed. Its all magic of mind. So no one has seen God. We all have created our own picture of God having damn good qualities that we don't have. At the same time we try to picture evil as ugly as possible and with qualities we don't like to have. That's it. I strongly believe this God is just concept. It's all not more than anything, but just myth.

Any way I guess I totally deviated from the main topic. Some times I really get frustrated to see nothing happening with people who do great hard work. I don't know whether it is really justifiable. Then again people say thats life. I guess if there is God, these people would beat him to death once they are out of their tolerance. But as we know no one does nothing. Lot of people know that they are doing bad things. But they stand in front of God, if there is, and pray to him for a while and request him to forgive him. Thats it then forget about everything. Otherwise I guess no one can live their life. Everyone tries to live their life till their death by forgetting what they have done in their past. Cruel. This world is definitely cruel.

Coming to my life, I guess I had too many disappointments. But when ever I talk to my friends they say that I am doing everything in my life. But am I happy? They don't know that I am not happy. Yes I feel happy when I do something like dancing, skydiving etc. But that stays for very short time. After that again I feel frustrated. I don't feel happy. The main problem is I really don't know what I want. Some times I think that I think too much and live in the past. For example I get angry when I think that life didn't go as I planned. I mean I haven't done that many bad things in my life. But still I always ended up getting severely punished. I don't want to mention too much here, but some people got everything alright even though they are doing so much bad (bad by their standards and so called society standards). So I am losing belief in all this good and bad.

Another funny thing I observed in my life is if I am extremely happy for 5 minutes, then something happens and makes me extremely sad for 5 days. Some times 5 months or 5 years. May be life time. Is it all fixed? I guess so. These days I constantly think that I had enough life. I mean I had some life whether it was bad or good. So what is more there to live for another 30 years. I guess I really don't care if I die right now. It doesn't mean I want to die right now. But at the same there would be no complaints if I die today. The problem is I always feel I am just living my life because I have to. This is not right.

For me right solution for all this is nothing but saying to my self that life doesn't play by rules. Don't care what ever happens to you. Just don't expect to get easy life just because you are righteous and doing good things to others. Just don't expect. That's it. If you don't expect anything, then it really doesn't matter at all. You never become sad even if something bad happens to you because you have never expected anything. Let's see how it works.